It's Friday night. Well actually, it's now Saturday morning. Another sleepless night in front of the computer. I didn't really do anything. I don't feel very accomplished. Another wasted summer day. I could have spent it reading my book. But it's reading. I think I need to set myself goals. That way, I can keep myself occupied with trying to accomplish them rather than just living aimlessly.

Lately, my thoughts have wandered into many places, many topics of interest. You know, the typical: life, love, loss, future, hopes, dreams, and just small randominity.

Life - I can't help but feel that I'm not doing what I should be doing. Like I'm not living life as I should. But, however, I feel like I have been doing so lately. These past few days have been pretty fun. It's good to live each day without any expectations. You never know what will happen and the anticipation of waiting for it is all more worth it. But at times, it can let you down, disappoint you. But those are the ups and downs of life. Like a rollercoaster. I look at myself and compare me with the me of probably like months, years ago. I've realized I am not the same person. I think I've really changed. And I'm hoping it's for the better. I think it is.

Love - Love is something isn't it. I don't know what it really is. I think it's misconceived and misinterpreted. But whatever works. Feelings arise along with questions. How do I feel about her? It becomes pretty vague from there. I don't know whether there's something there, or if it's just a way of coping. But I guess I've thought about it and decided that I'd better just let it go. I could do something about it, but there's just too many things at stake. But if it's for love it shouldn't matter what happens, as long as you give it a shot, right? I guess it's not love, merely and infatuation. I'm young. I've got plenty of years ahead. But no harm in falling in love, except I guess that's the problem. The only way to falling in love is feeling the harm from the fall.

Loss - I think about the things I've lossed and can't help but feel bad about it. Who doesn't? I feel like I could have done more to keep myself from losing them. I should've held on tighter, but I guess I was afraid I'd never be able to let go. You think about the friendships you've made, how you promised yourselves that you'd always keep in touch or always be friends. Saying it is one thing, but actually coming through with it is another thing. I guess with the loss of one thing is the gaining of another. I've lost things, but I'm not so sure what I've gained.

Future - I think I'm kind of excited as to what lies ahead. Big things can happen. This music thing has been going better than I expected. I mean, people are actually listening. I guess I'm also excited about school? That is so not good. Perhaps because it's my last year of high school. Senior! High school has gone by so fast. It's hard to believe that three years have passed. Perhaps a little too fast. Hopefully this upcoming school year will go by just as fast.

Hopes & Dreams - I've got many hopes. The Starting Line (a band) had a CD called "In Hopes of Starting Over" Great title. That is probably one of my main hopes right now, of starting over. I watched this movie "Just Like Heaven" with Reese Witherspoon. I liked it. It made me think about a relationship. What do I want? Watching how Witherspoon's character developed a relationship with Ruffalo's character was interesting. Regardless that she was a "spirit" Ruffalo did not care whether people thought he was crazy. He met someone he didn't like at first but then he got affected by her. He really changed himself because of her. It was amazing. I hope to find someone I can really be myself with, not feel so insecure. I won't have to be embarrassed about how I'm a sensitive person or that I don't act my age, that I'm a mellow person. Yeah. There's plenty of time. Hopefully, I will figure out what I really want to do in life. I have this mindset of becoming involved in something within the fields of archtitecture, but for some reason I don't feel so focused on it. It's fun and stuff. But I look at what people have done, and it's amazing. I wonder if I could ever do something like that. I think I could with the right goals and stuff. But I also enjoy working with children. I think I really get along with them well. Don't call me a pedophile, because I'm a kid as well. I considered pediatrics once, but I'm not sure. I feel like I've got a good foundation already for architecture. I guess there's always time to change my mind. Hopefully it's not too late.

Tomorrow's another day. Another day to do something. Another day to experience something new. Another day, another chance. Another opportunity to make a small difference, or a big one perhaps. I guess I don't know what to expect.