it was another usual night. a late night. constant rush of random thoughts. of life. of love. of family. of the world. of her. but these past few nights, she has remained constant. and he starts to think hard about her. starts thinking about the first time they met. it was hardly an introduction at most. a simple hello was all. then a slightly shared laugh among friends, but not together. then there was the goodbye. he never really thought of her much til then. practically not at all. she never made the impression in his heart. but one day everything changed. he noticed her again, unconciously. hey, she's kind of cute, he thought. short messages exchanged here and there. but did it really mean anything? anything at all? was that little hey how are you doing a genuine interest, or simply just a filler for time? many thoughts and questions. but no answers. only guesses. and he went on his instinct. to maybe pursue this unattainable dream. a dream that would only remind in his thoughts, in his sleep. but sometimes don't those dreams become a reality? maybe. he decided, it was now or never. he's got everything to gain, and nothing to lose, at least that's what he thought. he had the feeling that maybe she felt the same way. but feelings these days. they're not right all the time. but he did it anyway. that unfateful night, he dressed to impress. he wore his heart on his sleeve that night, in the most fragile condition. and he drove to her house, hoping that the night would end on a good note. he gets out of the car. nervous as nervous can be. his heart is literally going to leap into the stars that night. and he calls for her name. she meets him at the door. he can barely contain the anxiety as he tries to disguise it behind a nervous laugh. he reads her emotions. it's like reading a children's book. easy and yet unsatisfying. he can already tell that that it was a waste of time. he didn't even want to be there anymore. so much for his instincts. he got back into his car, with his heart torn on his sleeve. an irreparable burst at the seam. it was the first time in a long time. he thought the scar would never rip open again. and that night the tears came gushing out of his fate. he felt weak at being so vulnerable. and that night the only thoughts were of her. not of life, or family, or the world, or anything else. he never knew why he even bothered to go all out on a whim. he figured that it'd take a week or two to bounce back. the first day was hard. food had no taste, his laughter was gone. few more days pass, but he's back to normal. he figured it was best to forget sooner than later. make life easier. months pass without ever really thinking of her. he figured he's moved on. he started having new thoughts of life, of family, of the world. but not her. and like a snowstorm in the summer, it came out of nowhere. contact with this deadly disease. and like a disease, it became infectious. the feelings arise out of nowhere, and he doesn't know why. there never seems to be an escape. and that night, he was going to see her again, in all her beauty, in all her strength. and he remembers again why he got so weak in the knees, why the butterflies in his stomach caused him to float at the sound of her voice. he tried to put the best smile on, to not think of anything happening. no expectations. and there she was, in her golden glory for all to see. to see the beauty he wished he could see with his every breath. but so much for dreams. the dream became a broken one. as he sees her around the arms of another man. again trying to put the best smile on, to only disguise the heartbreak and the jealousy. and at night's end, he stayed as long as he could around her, probably the last chance he'll ever see her again, feel her amazing presence. and he simply did his best to keep composure. and he feels her arms around him, oh the feeling it left in his heart. the feeling of the deepest sadness, but also the highest joy. and he says goodbye for perhaps the last time. it's a long ride home. and a long ride home means a full rush of thoughts in the head once again. always wanting something he can't have. that always seems to be the case. rather than be happy and thankful for one's own bounty, it's always the pursuit of that thing we will never get. that thing that we might be better off without. and a week has passed, and yet the thoughts don't seem to shake away from his mind. everything is starting to remind him of her. and it seems to follow him wherever he goes. in only the deepest of dreams can he imagine a life with her...to be continued...maybe?